Friday, April 13, 2007

Trouble in all the Wrong Places

There is a serious threat to the animal-world at large, particularly the world of animal rescue. An unknown enemy lurks in the corners, hindering the adoptions of thousands of animals, stopping loving families from adding a new member. You may have been affected without even knowing it! What is this insidious hinderer of animal love? The Vigilante Animal Rescuer!

You probably know her best as the “Crazy Cat Lady” who lives down the street. She collects cats like some people collect baseball cards. No tabby is safe from her and no one else can care for animals as well as she can. She steals your outdoor cat because she doesn’t think cats should be outside. She overhears you at the vet discussing your cat’s serious medical condition and interrupts the doctor to prescribe her own treatment. She knows the right food to feed, the right bed to buy and the right way to put the food in the cat’s bowl. She is the arbiter of what is right for every animal in every situation and knows what is best for your pets whether she has met them or not. Whatever you do for Fluffy, it’s not up to her standards.

Arm yourself! These women must be stopped! Remember, forewarned is forearmed so know what signs to watch for. Though they look normal, the Vigilante can be recognized by her actions and affiliations. She is the power-hungry member of your local ASPCA or Humane Society. Last year, she led a coup and wrested control of the organization. She established new “improved” militant adoption rules. No pets go to homes that cannot meet the following standards: well-dressed would be adopters, no children in the home, no women of childbearing years, no other pets, a fenced in yard even if it is a cat you’re adopting, a minimum household income of $200,000 a year, no fish, no hot air balloon pilots, no manicurist, no shag carpet, no art deco, no stoves, no electricity, no, no, NO!

You want to adopt a cat! Ha! Her two story Victorian, comfortably devoid of other pesky humans has room for 40 more cats bucko and she doesn’t like the looks of you!

Warn your friends. Warn your neighbors. Until a vaccine is ready, no animal lover is safe from her bigoted, grasping ways. Unite animal lovers of the world! Unite! Overthrow the Vigilantes before there are no cats left!

4 comments:

Heather said...

Someone I know? ;)

PraiseDivineMercy said...

LOL. I went through this with the local cat adoption agency. They didn't want to give me a cat because I confessed that I own an apartment and might move after my one year lease is up. Nevermind that I have no intention of moving without finding a place that allows cats.
I eventually found out that there is a shelter right next to my college and found my adorable Angel there.
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c12/PraiseDivineMercy/DSC00256.jpg

PraiseDivineMercy said...

LOL. I went through this with the local cat adoption agency. They didn't want to give me a cat because I confessed that I own an apartment and might move after my one year lease is up. Nevermind that I have no intention of moving without finding a place that allows cats.
I eventually found out that there is a shelter right next to my college and found my adorable Angel there.
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c12/PraiseDivineMercy/DSC00256.jpg

Anonymous said...

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